


Going Into the Woods With Strange Men

by htebazytook



Category: Arrested Development
Genre: Dubious Consent, First Time, Humor, Incest, M/M, Slash, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-09
Updated: 2013-06-09
Packaged: 2017-12-14 11:53:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/836594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/htebazytook/pseuds/htebazytook
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bonding at the cabin in the woods, a sort of brother brother thing.  (Which is exactly what it sounds like.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Going Into the Woods With Strange Men

**Author's Note:**

> Bluthcest! Circa season 3.

**Title:** Going Into the Woods With Strange Men  
 **Author:** htebazytook  
 **Warning:** Incest, light dub-con  
 **Rating:** NC-17  
 **Disclaimer:** *disclaims*  
 **Pairing:** Michael/GOB  
 **Author's Notes:** Bluthcest! Circa season 3.  
 **Summary:** Bonding at the cabin in the woods, a sort of brother brother thing. (Which is exactly what it sounds like.)

 

GOB and Michael had finally made it to the cabin in the woods. Granted, they weren't accompanied by their father or either of their own sons, but the Bluths had learned long ago that you pretty much take what you can get when it comes to the cabin in the woods.

GOB had spent the majority of their ride up to the cabin's new and dubiously legal location teasing his brother about his love life, or lack thereof.

"I mean, I mean, when was the last time you even got laid? Prom? Come on!"

"Never went to Prom," Michael said. "Never saw the point of those things." He'd been working at the banana stand, and had even sold a double dipped frozen banana to GOB while he'd been doing a post-Prom boardwalk gloating lap. "Didn’t even want to go, in the first place." He had.

While they were unpacking:

"No wonder you can't get a woman to stay with you, Michael, you packed a makeup case? It's even got a red X on it to warn you of its feminine contents! Come on!"

"That's a first aid kit, GOB."

And even when they were laying out their sleeping bags on the cabin floor:

"You wouldn't even know what to do if you had a chick up here all alone, Michael. Instead of making love sweet love cabin in the woods style, you'd probably just strand her here and say your son made you do it."

It was still kind of a nail on the head moment for GOB.

"Okay," Michael said. "Okay. You've made your point. I don't sleep around as much as you do. You're a strong alpha male . . . "

Only one of those things was true.

" . . . And I can only hope to one day live up to your example." 

"Oh, Michael, Michael, Michael," GOB threw his arm around Michael's shoulders. "Michael. We're brothers! We've got the same mighty genetic instinct to mate, to . . . prey on whatever falls into our path, to pass on these infamous Bluth genes to the next generation."

"You've passed on a lot of things . . . " Michael tried to remove GOB's arm but GOB only pulled him more snugly close.

"Don't get all self-righteous on me, Michael," GOB said darkly. "We all know you've only done the deed four times . . ."

"Four women, not four times, and that number is outdated anyway and you know what? While my relationships may be a little short-lived, they're definitely more meaningful than any of yours have been. And at least I have a type. At least I choose who I date with some actual standards in mind." 

"Forget about type," GOB said, tightening his arm around Michael and nuzzling into his hair. "My type is women, plain and simple."

Michael extracted himself from GOB's embrace. "It sure is."

"Oh, Mikey," GOB said fondly, reaching out to stroke his hair which Michael dodged expertly. "I get it. All you want is some pointers from your incredibly experienced older brother, but you're just too proud to ask for it."

"And I'm sure that pointers from you would come in handy if I ever wanted to date our mother's elderly neighbor or dad's secretar—you know I'm actually seeing now that you do have a type."

"I will teach you!" GOB said, filled with a noble fervor. "You only have to ask."

"No tha—"

GOB kissed him in the same way he did everything else, with unnecessary enthusiasm and a slight edge of assault. He seized Michael by the arm with one hand while his other hand clawed strangely at Michael's upper chest.

"What the—?"

"Don't you know anything, Michael? A woman's breasts are her most intense erogenous zone, and they want you to squeeze them without mercy. Drives the little vixens crazy."

Michael didn't know what to say. His lips were tingling and GOB was still passionately groping Michael's nonexistent bosom.

"And you, you're less of a surfboard than Lindsay." GOB laughed. "It's almost hard to believe you're really even twins!"

Michael sidestepped, leaving GOB's fingers twitching forlornly in the empty air. "Very informative, GOB, but it's about time we turned in for the night, eh?" Michael was the kind of man who could ignore anything into oblivion, a skill which had always served him well in the past.

"But we haven't even had sex yet."

". . ." Michael said. ". . . . . ."

GOB plastered himself up against Michael again, causing Michael to stumble backward until his legs were pressed awkwardly against the arm of the couch. "Birds do it, Michael, _bees_ do it . . . "

This was _not_ the intended context of the Cole Porter hit 'Let's Do It, Let's Fall In Love'.

"Usually not with their blood relatives."

"Oh don't worry about that!" GOB dismissed. He pulled a now familiar prescription bottle out of his pocket. "What do you think these are for? If you can't remember it, it didn't happen, everybody knows that, Michael!"

''Forget Me Now, those are Forget Me Now's which I'm 100% sure are illegal anyway and—hold on, you want to seduce me and _then_ roofie me?"

GOB was nonplussed. In an attempt to avoid the conversation, he leaned more heavily into Michael and began to kiss his neck.

"Well I can tell you one thing, GOB, that's not your _heart_ getting hard."

GOB held Michael at arms length and said, raggedly, "My heart has always been hard for you, Michael. Hard as . . . as . . . "

"Solid as a rock?"

"Hard as my erection," GOB said, grabbing Michael's hand and making him feel the proof of it. 

Michael was touched. And repulsed. Mostly just repulsed.

He also couldn't deny how good GOB's fingers felt as they stroked up the side of his neck before threading through his hair. "So you played a dirty trick on me just to get me up to the cabin in the woods and try to seduce me?" Michael said, breathless. "Is this your idea of romance?"

It was.

GOB was equally breathless, which was hard to differentiate from his usual speaking voice. "Dirty illusion. And just because you're an emotionless robot who wouldn't know a romantic gesture if it bit him in the firm, robot ass doesn't mean this isn't one!"

"This is a bad idea," Michael said, with wavering resolve.

"I'm your older brother," GOB purred into Michael's ear. "I always know best."

[Footage not found.]

"Come on, Michael," GOB wheedled. "Let me work my _magic_ on you!"

There was a pause.

"What was even supposed to happen, there, GOB? Were condoms supposed to come flying out of your sleeves?"

"Not how I do the trick," GOB said, then kissed Michael again before he could protest.

They kissed a lot. They kissed on the stairs, and knocked over chairs. They kissed by the wall, and had a great fall.

Michael groaned and rubbed the back of his head. "GOB, let's just go on the couch, it's right here."

"Shhh, Mikey, you're ruining the moment." GOB was surreptitiously nursing a freshly bruised elbow.

"Pretty sure these uneven floorboards have just ruined my back."

The Bluth Company takes no responsibility for the inhabitability of the cabin in the woods. That was all GOB and Michael's uncle Oscar, who had a habit of living in the cabin whenever the lemonade business hit a dry spell. He had allegedly stored shoeboxes full of allegedly medical marijuana underneath those floorboards Michael had taken issue with. Allegedly.

GOB was lying half on top of Michael, kissing him with imprecise ravenousness and unbuckling Michael's belt in record time.

"Wait, GOB, we can't seriously, we can't . . . "

GOB ignored him, pulled Michael's pants down and pulled Michael's cock out of the slit in his boxers, gave it a few firm strokes.

"It's just that, I just think, I just . . . oh, [bleep] me that's good . . . "

"You're my brother, Michael, I'd [bleep] you six ways to Sunday." GOB said it with intense earnestness.

Michael didn't know which was more disturbing – the fact that GOB kept pointing out they were brothers, or the fact that Michael was starting not to care. He couldn't help it. It felt great, and GOB's hand felt huge as it moved over Michael's undeniable erection. GOB was also doing something very devious to Michael's ear with his tongue and teeth. Michael just moaned and arced his hips up into the friction.

It didn't last long, however, because GOB was slithering his way down Michael's body until he was settled between his legs. Michael shifted up onto his elbows to watch him, feeling an undercurrent of guilt for having done little more than lie back and take it, so far. "GOB . . . "

"Need I remind you that as a Man of the Cape I have had extensive training . . . "

"Oh God, don't even say it," Michael said, fluctuating between exasperation and arousal. Arousal won out when GOB looked up at Michael while licking the head of Michael's cock like a popsicle. ''Sword swallowing?"

"No!" GOB said triumphantly. " _Sword_ swallowing."

"That's what I—oh. _Oh_ . . . "

GOB had indeed swallowed Michael down to the hilt with surprising ease, and Michael was not prepared for the sensation. He'd never been successfully deepthroated before, a fact he had only come to realize in the last minute or two. GOB sucked his cheeks in on the upstroke before taking Michael's entire shaft in again and Michael's head fell back on a gasp. 

God, it was wrong. But mostly it was _hot_ wrong.

Michael was utterly lost to pleasure for an immeasurable time, but eventually the clever twists of GOB's tongue slowed and the heat of his mouth slipped away. GOB sat up, leaned against the couch, and resumed stroking Michael's cock, now slick with spit and aching with need.

Michael had an excellent view of GOB's tented out slacks from here, so he reached over and unzipped his fly.

GOB stilled Michael's wrist. "Don't. It's not gay if you're the only one getting it."

It was a wonder the muscles in Michael's forehead hadn't been sprained from overuse, by now. "Even if that logic wasn't flawed to begin with, what you mean is it isn't gay for _me_ if I'm the only one getting it."

"Oh Michael, you have a _lot_ to learn about—hey, quit it!"

"No." Michael reached into his open fly and squeezed GOB's erection.

"Michael!" 

"No." Michael shoved GOB onto his back on the unforgiving floor and kissed him and worked his cock the way he worked his own when he was desperate for release.

GOB's protests turned into languid low-pitched moans and he even turned his head to the side to gasp, "Faster." 

Michael jerked him faster, GOB's hips thrusting helplessly. GOB reached down to pump Michael's cock in time with his thrusts and they found a strange counterpoint in it that caught and spiraled harder and more and more until they came in each other's hands on the floor of the cabin in the woods, then lay there sweatily entangled.

Michael let himself doze, but GOB was already stirring.

Michael sighed. "You gonna Forget Me _Now_? I'm crushed." 

But GOB had already downed the pill, and it was already beginning to take effect. His eyes raked over Michael's half-naked form. "Michael." He reached out to trace Michael's slack mouth. "Let me work my magic on you."

Michael was realizing this was in all likelihood GOB's only pickup line, but he was also unable to deny its effectiveness when coupled with GOB's mouth and hands beginning to roam over him again.

*


End file.
